Learning to Love Again
by jbawall
Summary: After being away from Sirius Black for fifteen years-fifteen years that she thought he was a murderer-Alexandria White finds herself thrust back into this charming Marauder's life, and finding that she just may fall in love with him...again.
1. Remus?

A/N: So, this is a newer story I thought of a while ago, when I was reading order of the pheniox and wondered, "Hey, what if Sirius had a girlfriend? Would that even be possible?" And thus, this story was born. I really love the Marauders, (Not including Wormtail, the slimy git...) and writing them has been quite fun haha. Anyways. Review. Tell me what you think. Let me know if this is even possible to happen during OOTP. I'm a romantic at heart, so bear with me.

"Remus?" I whispered in disbelief, almost talking to myself as I saw a taller, shabby looking wizard pass by me quickly, looking around himself anxiously on the empty street we were on, and I took a step forward, calling out, "Remus!" Louder than before, dispite the fact that it might not even be him. I was too desperate to talk to people from 'The Old Days' to really care.

He whipped around, his gray eyes alert and ready as he grabbed his wand, pointing it directly at my nose, the tip glowing slightly as he said fiercely, sounding so far from the Remus I knew, it made me step back cautiously, "Come out of the shadows." Not bothering to be polite.

I blinked in confusion, but wordlessly obeyed, stepping into the waning moon's light, pushing my dark hair behind my back as I smiled sheepishly at him, "It's nice to see you too." I said sarcastically, laughing easily, not really fazed by how close his wand was to my nose.

His eyes narrowed in suspicion, then widened in realization, "Alexandria?" He asked cautiously, lowering his wand slightly, still looking aprehensive, "Alexandria White?" He said again, like he was making sure he didn't confuse me with some other Alexandria.

I made a face at the sound of my real name, "Merlin Remus, call me Alex." I said tiredly, slightly amused he still called me by my real name, "You know I hate that." I muttered, narrowing my eyes at him slightly.

He lowered his wand, and a ghost of a smile passed over his gaunt face, "How are you?" He asked, looking me over, checking for bumps or bruises like an older brother would.

I shrugged, and answered, "Honestly, as good as anyone can get with this bloody war." I laughed humorlessly, "I get by." I muttered darkly, smirking.

Remus nodded, stowing his wand back into his robes, "So you believe he's back then?" He asked softly, looking at me with those tired gray eyes in honest curiosity.

I chewed on my lip thoughtfully for a short while, then said decidedly, "I suppose I do." I paused and then snorted in amusement, "I know for a fact Fudge has no idea what he's doing." I muttered, folding my arms, "But then, he never really did, did he?" I said, smirking.

He chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets, "No, he didn't." He said quietly, his lips finally curling into a wary smile.

"So how are you doing Remus?" I asked softly, eying his shabby robes with concern, "You look..." I trailed off awkwardly, not being able to find the right word.

"Old?" He supplied with a wry smile that was so uniquely Remus, it brought back painful memories of Hogwarts.

I shook my head, blocking the memories and answering his suggestion at the same time, looking at his kind face, "War torn." I murmured, smiling sadly.

He laughed bitterly, "Don't we all?" He sighed, running a hand through his graying hair, "I've been...alright." He said uneasily, "Getting by. Like you." He said with a smirk, "I've been helping Dumbledore actually." He added quietly, looking around cautiously, checking to see if anyone was in the deserted alleyway.

I furrowed my brow, "Dumbledore?" I asked, the taste of my former headmasters name odd on my tounge as I cocked my head to the side in slight confusion, "Explain." I said, sounding highly interested even to myself.

Remus glanced over his shoulder, and pulled his wand out again, murmuring some spell under his breath, making an almost invisable bubble appear from the wand, enveloping to two of us in it, canceling out the noise from outside.

I looked at him in confusion, and he said apologetically, "We can't be overheard by the wrong people." By way of answering me.

I nodded, and again, prodded to his earlier statement, "Dumbledore." I said evenly, watching his face carefully.

He sighed, "Dumbledore." He repeated slowly, trying to gather his thoughts, "Alex, you must understand what is happening right now, at this very moment. Voldemort-" He didn't stop, or even pause at my slight wince, "-is out there, and he's strong, and getting stronger by the minute. He will do horrible things to get what he wants. Destroy anything, kill anyone, and put innocent men and women in Azkaban to get power." Here he paused, and looked at me, searching my face for something before he decided to continue on, "To force the world to he way he wants it."

I gulped, and searched his face, "Remus, what are you trying to tell me? I already knew that." I said quietly, staring at him.

"We are called," He started again, sounding tired, "The Order of the Pheniox. Albus formed us. It's our job to do what we can to save his world from utter destruction at the hands of Voldemort. And Alex, we need people like you." He said finally, ending his speech with looking at me expectantly.

I sucked in a breath, my eyes wide, "Remus, I think you have the wrong girl here-" I stuttered awkwardly, taking a shaky step back, my mind spinning.

He cut me off, "No, I don't." He said quietly, "You're young-"

"The same age as you." I muttered, folding my arms and looking at him stubbornly.

His lips twitched very slightly, but he plowed on, "You're resilient, and you know what you believe in, and you would give anything for your cause." He paused, "At least that's how you were the first time around."

I bit my lip, looking away from him, the thought of this, order, was growing on me slowly, "Who's all in it?" I asked, glancing at back at him with cautious eyes.  
"McGonagal, Snape-" He ignored my face at that name, he knew I had hated him almost as much as James had, "The Weasleys, Deadulus Diggle, Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Mad-Eye, Kingsley Shacklebot, Nymphadora Tonks-who I think you'd get along with quite well actually, and..." He paused, watching me carefully, "Sirius Black." He said very softly, almost like he didn't want me to hear, "Along with others."

I inhaled sharply at his name despite myself, and stared at Remus with wide eyes, "Sirius?" I breathed, my tongue fumbling on his name, and my eyes searching his face for any sign that he could be pulling my wand, saying this just to make me join, "But he's on the run!" I said, my voice sounding strangled, "Remus, you can't forget what he did to James and Lily-"

He cut me off, "Do you think I would trust him if I didn't have a good reason to?" He asked, sounding like he had already had this argument before, and knew what to say, "Voldemort-"

"Don't say that name!" I said hotly, glaring at him, my hands clenched into fists at my side.

He huffed, "You know who has put tons of men and woman in places they didn't belong in. Sirius was one of those people." He said fiercely, sounding determined to make me believe him, "He's an innocent man."

I scoffed to hide my feelings and looked down at the ground. I couldn't even look at Remus without it hurting. "I don't know if I could believe that." I said bitterly, my eyes stinging with unshead tears I was trying to desperately to hide.

"Alex, you loved him." He said sadly, almost pleadingly, "And he loves you."

Tears filled my eyes, "And I've tried hard to hate him for fifteen long, horrible years!" I shouted, glad we were covered by Remus's spell, "I'm just figuring out how!" I said, my voice desperate and cracking as I stared at him with my watery eyes, "I can't let my heart be broken. Not again."

He was silent for a long time, just watching me with those serious (no pun intended) eyes, before he said quietly, "Come with me to the order meeting tomorrow. You can talk to him. You can talk to Dumbledore, and find out for yourself how much we- including Sirius-need you."

I stared at him long and hard, searching his face silently as I thought over my options, furious at how that blasted dog still brought butterflies to my stomach, and finally, I muttered, clearly against my better, "Alright." silently dreading where this old friend of mine would take me.


	2. Memories

A/N:  
Hello my lovely readers:) Sorry this update took so long. This summer has been extremely busy, and I haven't really had time to post any updates. I've had this written for a while, reading over it a couple times, making minor changes and such. I feel like it's a pretty good chapter, so I hope you like it:) Reviews make the next chapter come even quicker... :D PS. Does anyone this that Alex's last name being White is too...obvious? Personally, I think it's cheesey but adorable haha. Just curious! 

My footsteps echoed around me as I walked down the now empty alleyway, the small 'Pop' of Remu's apparition still ringing in my ears as I opened my black umbrella out in front of me, raising it above my head as the rain started to fall around me steadily, almost reflecting my mood perfectly.

As I walked down that dark road with my heels clicking rhythmically behind me, I found myself getting more and more lost in my memories, some happy, but some of them terrifying and sad also.

My first kiss had to go with the first category of course, how could I ever forget it?

It had been my fifth year at Hogwarts, only a week after my sixteenth birthday, and Sirius-of course it was Sirius. It was always Sirius-had woken me up in the middle of the night.

_My eyes flew open in surprise, a scream building in my throat before his hand suddenly clamped over my mouth, silencing me before I had a chance to do anything rash. I stared up at this impossibly handsome teenager that was kneeling beside me, my eyes wide in shock, and my body too terrified to even move as I silently screamed profanities at him, wildly hoping that he somehow knew Legimins so that I could convey my intense dislike of him right then._

_He chuckled lowly at my expression, his dark brown eyes twinkling mischievously at me as he raised a finger to his lips, signaling me to keep quiet, and slowly taking his warm hand off of my mouth, staying knelt by my bed._

_"Sirius-" I started to whisper fiercely, before his hand smacked back on my mouth again, and he was hissing my name._

_"Shush! I don't need another detention this week." He whispered threateningly, narrowing his eyes teasingly at me, "Just stay quiet, and follow me." He whispered even more quietly than before, taking my hand in his and pulling me up from my bed, his eyes flashing to my pajamas in interest._

_I blushed fiercely, shoving his shoulder and growling at him while my hand pulled down the old muggle band shirt of my Dad's nervously as my eyes narrowed in dislike as he grinned at me, laughing softly as he pulled me down the stairs and into the common room._

_"Sirius." I said quietly, tugging on his arm before he pulled me out the portrait hole, "Where are we going?" I asked tiredly, stifling a yawn as he stopped to face me._

_"I want to show you something." He said, smiling at me mischievously, "Just trust me." He said breezily, winking._

_I sighed, _appearing_ oblivious to his charm, and grumbled, "Why does something bad always happens when you say that?" Looking up at him with grouchy eyes, making my attitude towards him very easy to read._

_He gave a short bark of laughter, and pulled on my hand again, "Just come on." He said, leading me out of the portrait hole and down the corridor quickly, looking over his shoulder occasionally to flash me one of his trademark, 'Don't worry, it'll only be five detentions!' grin, which, of course, (Blast my bloody teenage hormones...) made me practically weak in the knees._

_I followed close behind him, my bare feet slapping against the stone beneath us as my eyes looked over Sirius's shoulder and down the hallway cautiously for Filch or Mrs. Norris, praying that this boy holding my hand-I tried frantically to ignore the steal butterflies in my stomach-wouldn't be the academic death of me. And now that I thought of it, probably the death of my physical life too. Curse him._

_"Here we are." Sirius said softly, coming to a gradual stop at the base of the stair that led up to the Astronomy tower, looking up it with a slight smile on his face, glancing at me, "Ladies first." He said charmingly, gesturing grandly in front of him, grinning at me broadly._

_I rolled my eyes, and walked ahead of him, muttering, "If you're looking at my arse Black, so help me..." As my eyes flashed dangerously at him, suddenly very aware of how exposed my lone shirt made my legs and bum._

_His chuckle was right in my ear, making my hair stand on end and my breath hitch in my throat as his low voice said, "Guilty as charged." His hands holding on my waist to steer me in the right direction up the spiral staircase, "It'a a very nice Arse." He said after a pause, sounding thoughtful._

_I snorted, rolling my eyes at him as I elbowed his in the chest, murmuring, "Git." Quietly, chuckling despite myself at his utter lack of tact._

_He chuckled, and we kept on walking in a comfertable silence._

_We finally reached the top after some time, and automatically my eyes went up to the stars, wondering vaguely if this was what he wanted to show me._

_"Oh." I breathed in wonder, falling back into his embrace almost, almost being the keyword here, unknowingly, my eyes wide as I looked up at the sky, amazed at how beautiful the black sky could look when it had a million and one diamonds in it._

_"Gorgeous, isn't it?" Sirius whispered against my cheek, sounding as amazed as I felt, his arms tightening around my waist, "I come here sometimes when I feel too stressed about something. It's a brillant way to clear your mind." He said softly, his lips grazing my ear as he did so._

_I nodded wordlessly, turning my head towards him, sucking in a breath when I saw how close our faces were to one other, and how clearly I could see his dark eyes. I breathed, "It's beautiful." Watching his eyes as they searched my face, and he bit his bottom lip self consciously as his gaze lingered on my lips._

_"They're not the only beautiful things here." He whispered on my lips, and I felt my eyes fluttering closed as his wonderfully soft lips finally pressed against mine, sending sparks up and down my spine as I melted into his embrace finally..._

I jolted myself out of my memory with a sharp intake of breath, my eyes watery as I reached the door to my flat, my clumsy fingers fumbling with the key that was in my pocket before finally inserting it into the hole, opening the door and letting the familiar smell of my flat filling my mind as I shut the door behind me and pressed my back to the floor, falling to the ground numbly as my last memory of Sirius filled my mind unwillingly.

_My eyes fluttered open lazily as I felt the weight of the bed shift beneath me, causing me to rolling over in bed to watch Sirius with sleepy eyes as he sat at the edge of our bed, running a hand through his long black hair-he really did need a haircut, it was getting rediculious-yawning slightly as he stretched, the muscles in his back tensing at the movement, making my heart flutter pathetically at the sight. Come on White, I told myself, you're twenty one years old, you need to stop acting like a bloody teenager at the sight of him..._

_"What're you doing?" I asked groggily, pushing the hormonal thoughts of him out of my mind as I blinked slowly and yawned, my eyes closing briefly at the involuntary movement._

_He chuckled, turning around to face me, bending his head down to kiss me softly, "I'm just gonna go check in on James and Lily." He murmured, running his hand down my arm, making me shiver at his touch as his brown eyes locked with mine, making me melt under his gaze._

_"Mmm..." I murmured, reaching up to knot my fingers in his silky smooth hair, and simultaneously pull him down into our still warm bed, curling my body against his easily, molding myself to him, "They can wait ten more minutes..." I said lowly, capturing his lips with mine again before he could protest, feeling rather accomplished with myself as he moaned softly into my mouth, opening it slightly to allow me more access to it._

_"I guess so..." He murmured as he pulled away some time later, climbing into bed with me, crawling on top of me, his half naked body pressing up against my bare skin, making me shiver in delight as he bent his head down to kiss my jaw expertly finding the spots that made me unable to breath._

_"Glad you could see things my way." I whispered breathlessly, a smile playing on my lips..._

"No." I whispered, burying my face in my hands, letting my tears come down my face, staining my cheeks and tasting salt against my lips as I sat there helplessly, refusing to even think about what had happened so quickly after he had left that morning, going to check on James, Lily and Harry, only to find that, oh yeah, he had already betrayed their souls to Voldemort.

I choked out another sob as another wave of tears fell down my face, my whole body shaking now. It wasn't like I had ever wanted to believe that Sirius could have gone and done something so downright horrible. I wanted to believe Remus when he said Sirius was innocent-but how could I? I had tried to find every loophole there was in his case, trying to prove that he was innocent, that he was still the man I had fallen in love with...but it just wasn't there.

I sighed deeply, and pulled myself up off of the floor, putting my keys in the bowl I kept by the door, and tossed my purse and now wet umbrella on the ground with my shoes and coat. I walked into my bedroom and fell onto my soft, inviting bed unceremoniously, burying my face into the nearest pillow, Sirius's taunting brown eyes and wonderfully handsome casual smirk following me into my dreams as I slipped into a restless sleep.


	3. The Order of the Pheniox

**Authors note: Hello my lovely readers! Long time no update:) I apologize, this summer has been a lot more hectic than I thought it was going to be. Hopefully I can start updating more frequently after school starts, but I have no guarantees. So here's the newest chapter of Learning to Love Again, where our Alex gets to meet Sirius again...oh snap. lol. Annnyway, I hope you enjoy it, cause I'm not 100% sure I'm satisfied with it, but then again, I never really am...haha. As always, Please read and review, and I will love you forever and ever. :D**

**Disclaimer: *Pinches herself, and sighs.*Nope. Still not JKR. Drat.  
**

It was dark, the wind whistled around us and in my ear as we walked down the street named Grimmwald place, cold darkness surrounding us as our cloaks whipped around our ankles, our wands held at our side with white knuckles and our eyes scanning and alert for anything unusual, or out of the ordinary. It was amazing and sad at the same time how paranoid war could make a person, or people in general.

"Do you still have the paper?" Remus asked me quietly, glancing at me wearily from the corner of his eye, still walking quickly down the street without stopping, his wand held out in front of him, shedding its glowing white light on out in front of us.

I nodded silently, pulling the wrinkled piece of paper out of my pocket, squinting my eyes to read the vaguely familiar slanted hand writing, "The headquarters for the order of -" I started softly before he cut me off hastily.

He shushed me, "Just read it to yourself. You never know who could be listening." He muttered ominously, his eyes darting across the street to where a stray cat had jumped off of the fence, like it could be a death eater just waiting to kill us.

I rolled my eyes at how much like Mad-Eye he sounded like, "Constant vigilance." I muttered sarcastically to try and cover up the fear that was almost choking me and I looked down at the paper again, reading:

_The Headquarters for The Order of the Phoenix may be found at Number Twelve, Grimmwald place._

I looked up at Remus with a confused expression, and said cautiously, turning my head between the home of number eleven, then at thirteen slowly, "Remus, there is no number..." I tried to start, looking back at him skeptically, but he interrupted me again.

"Watch." He said quietly, calmly gesturing his wand right between number eleven and thirteen, where his gaze was, his eyes watching something I clearly could not see yet.

I did as he said without questioning it, and looked between the two houses, my eyes widening and my jaw dropping at what I saw happening before my very stunned eyes.

The two houses seemed to pull apart at the seems, and the space-no, there was no space in between them-there was another house completely, that seemed to fit between the odd numbers perfectly, like it had been there for hundreds years. Which, I had to remind myself, it probably had.

"Merlin." I whispered in wonder, my eyes as wide as saucers by now, "I love magic." I said hoarsely, laughing quietly to myself as I kept staring at the newly appeared house.

"Come on." Remus said hurriedly, going up to the front door and holding it open in front of me, looking over my shoulder with narrowed eyes as I got rushed into the house.

And then promptly tripped on the umbrella stand. Me and my bloody clumsiness...

"FOUL, DISHONORABLE, DISGUSTING VERMIN INFILTRATING MY HOUSE! NEVER HAVE I BEEN SO INSULTED BY-"

I gasped from the ground as the curtains in front of me flew open, spewing dust everywhere as it revealed an old, sour looking, wrinkled woman wearing some obnoxious, old fashioned colored green and silver robes, screaming obscenities at me as her face twisted in anger and sheer hatred of-as far as I could tell-anything that moved in "Her House."

I covered my ears and looked at Remus with terrified eyes, expecting him to give me some explanation as to why I had a painting screaming at me, but found instead that he was furiously trying to pull the curtains closed around the portrait with some manner of difficulty.

Suddenly, a younger witch with brilliant bright florescent blue colored hair wearing a holyhead harpies tee shirt and ripped muggle jeans came running in from another room, grabbing the other curtain and pulled it closed with him harshly.

Finally-and how they did it I wasn't quite sure-they managed to close it on the old hag, thank Merlin. The wonderful sudden silence rang in my ears as the witch and wizard in front of me panted heavily with the obvious effort it must take to close that curtain on her.

The witch odd colored hair looked at me with interest with her equally odd colored eyes-they were a particular shade of yellow reminding me of an eagle, and Madam Hooch-as she tried to catch her breath, glancing slightly at her companion, "Remus, I don't believe you have introduced us yet." She said politely, smiling at me reassuringly.

He nodded, "Sorry, sorry." He said apologetically, his lips twitching in amusement, "Alex, this is Nymphadora-" I had to grin at the look on her face as he said her name, so similar to mine own when ever someone called me by my real name, "Tonks-"

"Sweet merlin, we've gone over this before Remus." She said in exasperation, rolling her now shockingly violet eyes at me, "My name is Tonks." She said, glaring at Lupin.

"Who goes by her last name only." Remus finished, chuckling at Tonks with an amused expression on his face.

"Wotcher!" She said cheerily, but slightly hushed, not wanting to wake up the cranky portrait again, "Pleasure to meet you."

"Alex White. I went to school with Remus." I said quietly with a grin, adding, "I love your hair."

"Really?" She said back, pursing her lips thoughtfully, "Cause personally, I was leaning more towards red today-what do you think?" Before I could ask her what she meant, she screwed her eyes closed, looking like she was deep in thought, and before I knew it, she had changed it to bright red spikes before my very eyes.

"Metamorphmagus." I said in hushed excitement, looking at her hair appreciatively with wide eyes, cause I had never med a metamorphmagus before"Brilliant."

She grinned in pride, "Thanks." She whispered back.

"We should go into the kitchen, before we wake her up again." Remus said, gesturing to the place where Tonks had come in from, looking at her, "Nymphadora, has the meeting started yet?"

She didn't seem to mind as much if only he called her that, and said easily, "Not yet. We're all waiting for you and Dumbledore..." She said, glancing at me, "Did you tell Dumbledore you were bringing a recruit?"

I snorted at being called that, and let Remus answer her, "I owled him yesterday." Quietly following her into the kitchen.

The house itself was old, unkept and dusty, but more so in the kitchen, which made me sneeze violently as soon as I entered the kitchen, my eyes watery when I looked up at the odd group of people huddled around the table, looking up at me with open curiosity.

My eyes flitted around the table, taking their appearances in silently. My eyes were automatically pulled to the four heads of red hair that were sitting by each other-an older, kind looking couple with what had to be their two sons. Then my gaze went next to a scruffy, scroungy looking wizard-I hid a grin and a snort as I recognized who it was-who I had the misfortune of knowing to be Mundungus Fletcher. I looked around at the table some more, seeing several witches and wizards I could not name, and even some of my old Professors from Hogwarts. I waved cautiously, smiling nervously as I stayed close to Tonks and Remus, looking at them anxiously.

"Everyone," Remus started, looking at the group with his gray eyes, "This is Alexandria White." He said quietly, smiling at me reassuringly.

Several people in the group smiled at me, and others murmured their hellos, but one person above all the others stood out, saying with a voice that I would know from anywhere, at anytime of the year, and had been haunting me in my dreams more recently.

"Moony, what the hell?"


	4. Reunion

**A/N: Here's another chapter for you:) The big reunion between Alex and Sirius :D R&R - it's like having Lupin give you Chocolate... ;)**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still not JKR. Sorry.**

Remus and I visibly winced at the same time as an awkward silence fell over everyone at the table, including Tonks who stiffened in surprise beside me, all bewildered eyes turned to the one person who had said that.

Sirius Black.

He was sitting at the end of the table next to a tall, bald headed black man, his fists clenched in front of his as an ugly scowl grew on his handsome face while he looked at his friend beside me, carefully keeping his eyes away from my form. He was wearing some basic black robes, a far cry from the ones I had seen in the papers that he wore in Azkaban, and his hair seemed to be cut shorter than when I had last seen him-which, I reminded myself, had to be 15 years ago-his cold brown eyes that had been so full of warmth and humor before were flashing dangerously at Remus as he waited for an explanation to his question.

"Sirius, why don't we go into another room." Remus said quietly, looking at his friend tiredly as he gestured out the door, silently asking him to not argue with him.  
Sirius glanced at me, seeming like he had almost dared himself to-which was so typical Sirius, I had to fight back a mixture of crying and laughter-then he looked away quickly, like looking at me would turn him to stone, nodded and stood up, saying gruffly, "Fine." no doubt trying to hide his blur of emotions like I was.

I held my breath as he passed me, my heart momentarily stopping as he brushed against my arm, sparks flying up and down my skin as my my eyes fixed themselves on his face, sudden and intense memories flooding my mind as he looked at me, our eyes meeting momentarily, but still feeling like several sunlit days, chocolate brown meeting electric blue again after such a long time.

I looked away quickly as I realized what was happening, and averted my eyes down to the ground, reminding my pounding heart of what Sirius had done, how I couldn't do this to myself again. As I was doing this, I was starting to feel the awkward silence more and more by the minute, so I followed Remus closely out the door and down the dark hall into an old, dusty dining room that appeared to have been unused for several decades.

We stood there silently, myself standing between the two friends awkwardly as they stared each other down, both waiting impatiantly for the other to say something.

"Why is she here?" Sirius finally said, breaking the silence, his gaze carefully trained on Remus as he asked this, his body stiff and unnatural in that depressing room.

Remus glanced at me, almost assuming I would answer him. But when he saw how impassive I was being during this, ah, reunion, he sighed and answered simply, "She's joining the Order Sirius." sounding stern, like the professor he had been not too long ago, his eyes narrowed as he silently dared Sirius to blow up, like we were both assuming he would.

I chanced a glance at Sirius' face as his jaw locked in frustration at this too simple anser, and his gaze becoming steely as he said slowly, "How does she know about it?" he seemed to be fighting back his anger and confusion as he said this, avoiding my name.

"We met in the street behind my flat." I said softly, speaking for the first time, keeping my eyes down at the ground, looking at the stains and dirt that gathered there, "He told me about the order, and I wanted to join." I murmured, swallowing as I felt the weight of his gaze on me, "I wanted to know if you betrayed James and Lily." I said, more loudly than before as I looked up into those familiar brown eyes, my heart melting again at the sight of them, despite the nightmares they had caused me.

"Lexi." He said hoarsely, running a shaky hand through his hair, "You know I could never do that."

Lexi. I couldn't describe how many memories that name alone brought back. The name that only he had ever called me. The name that sent shivers down my spine as it left his lips.

"I don't know what to believe anymore Sirius." I whispered, his name sounding strange and foreign coming out of my mouth, "I just need someone to explain it to me." I looked at him, my eyes drinking in his appearance and everything about him that I had missed so desperately.

"I'll need Remus' help for some of it." He murmured, his eyes searching my face, "The details have gotten a little, ah, hazy." He said with a crooked smile that made my heart pound.

Remus. Right. He was still here. I turned my eyes to him sheepishly, "Well Remus-what happened?" I asked quietly, folding my arms across my chest, "And I want no details spared." I said sternly, looking between the two Marauders.

They shared a grin-one that made me laugh at how much they looked like teenagers again-and Sirius started.

"I was the secret keeper for James and Lily." He said, leaning back against the table easily, looking at me in wonder almost, "That much you do know."

I nodded, "Yes. That much I know." I murmured, looking back at him, my stomach tying itself in knots at his gaze.

He sighed, "Lex, I may as well have betrayed them to Voldemort, that much I admit to. But I didn't do it. Cause I was no longer their secret keeper."

My brown furrowed in confusion as I looked at Remus for conformation, "Then who?" I asked in bewilderment.

"Peter Pettigrew." Remus said darkly, pursing his lips together in distaste, "Became Lily and James' secret keeper."

"You see, I thought I was being clever by doing this." Sirius said, sounding tired and much older than he really was, "Fool the death eaters, have them come after me while Peter was being the keeper the entire time. Who would think that Peter would do it? He was always over looked as the boy who followed James, Remus and I around. I thought it was foolproof." He said heavily, "But, I was wrong."

I gaped at them, "But Peter-" I started, blinking rapidly.

"Wait til' we're finished Alex." Remus said in amusement, chuckling slightly, "You see, two years ago, I was teaching at Hogwarts, in the 'jinxed' defense against the dark arts position. Imagine my surprise when I confiscated the marauders map from none other than Harry Potter himself."

I sucked in a breath, my eyes wide, "Little baby Harry." I whispered, "Oh what does he look like?"

"Just like James." Sirius said with a faraway look in his eyes, and a smile on his face, "And Lily's green eyes."

I sighed, "Wow. He had the map...how exactly-?" I started again, but was once again cut off.

"Weasley twins." Remus said with a snort, "Not surprising really."

"Who-?"

"You'll find out soon enough Lexi." Sirius said with a chuckle, his eyes twinkling at me, "Let Remus finish his part of the story."

I rolled my eyes at him and sighed, "Fine. Go on Remus."

He laughed, but listened to me, "I was looking at the map when I saw one name in particular on it, one name I thought to be dead and long gone...Peter. Peter Pettigrew." He said softly, "I thought I was crazy. Or the map was-but the map can't-"

"The map never lies." I whispered with wide eyes, "It never can."

"Exactly." Sirius said in excitement now that it was back to his side of the story, "Lexi, he's alive. I could still be proven innocent-"

"Wait." I said, cutting him off, "How did he live? All they could find of Peter was-"

"His finger." Remus said, "He cut it off when he saw Sirius-"

"And transfigured into a scummy little rat and ran down into the sewers to live with his own kind." Sirius spat, sounding disgusted, "And I went to Azkaban because of him."

I was silent, stunned by this sudden stream of information. Finding out that Sirius was innocent, and the Peter Pettigrew was alive, and had betrayed James and Lily-_not Sirius_ my heart seemed to want to sing-was a lot for a girl to take in during one night. But the lawyer side of me (My Dad is, after all, a muggle.) was starting to kick in, and I realized the wonderful, blissful truth.

It all fit.

Finally, after all these years, I had a reason to believe Sirius was innocent-I had a way to not cry myself to sleep, and a way to let him back into my life, into my dreams and not my nightmares. I had reason to hope again. Reason to love again.

"I believe it." I whispered in amazement, looking between them-my old lover and my old friend, laughing is disbelief, "It makes sense."

Remus laughed in relief, "I knew you would Alex." He said, smiling broadly, "You're too smart not to."

But I could hardly hear him, for I only had eyes on the man I had been unable to see for fifteen long, lonely years.

Sirius stood there apprehensively, looking almost as handsome as I could ever remember him looking when we were younger, his eyes focused on me intently, and his lips opened slightly at the question I could already hear him ask me.

"You didn't do it Sirius." I murmured, looking at him with a small smile, "Thank Merlin-you didn't do it."

His face softened, and he said back, "I cannot tell you how long I have waited for you to say that." He took a step forward, his eyes never leaving mine as the room seemed to get fuzzier around the edges, leaving nothing else in the world but me and him-the way it was meant to be...

"I hate to break up this ah, touching reunion, but the meeting is starting." Said the drawling voice of the one person I could go my whole life without ever seeing again.

"Snape." Sirius sneered, rolling his eyes at me in a way that made me stifle my giggles, "How pleasant of you to drop by." He drawled back, mocking Snape's tone.

"Just go to the meeting Black." Snape snapped, his dark eyes flashing, "Lupin, White, you too." He said with a scathing tone, sweeping out of the room in a flash.

Sirius and I snickered as we left the room behind him, laughing aloud as a tired Remus muttered from behind us, "Why do I have a feeling this is going to be just like school all over again...?"


End file.
